


krilling me softly

by lovelight (Delenaley)



Series: confessions [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Asexual Character, Confessions, Declarations Of Love, M/M, Pining, Slice of Life, no crustaceans were harmed in the process of making this, side johndo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:48:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24956335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delenaley/pseuds/lovelight
Summary: Yuta laughs and he hears Für Elise, feeling like he’s had one too many drinks and the world spins in flashes of silver. Yuta makes him feel too much all at once and Jaehyun’s never been so overwhelmed and fucking excited.It is with the force of a tornado in a small field, wracking his chest, he admits, belatedly, that he’s in love with Nakamoto Yuta.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Nakamoto Yuta
Series: confessions [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1797103
Comments: 24
Kudos: 89





	krilling me softly

**Author's Note:**

> The working title for this was 'lobster tank romance', and I even thought about what kind of phrase I could match with 'frustacean' to make up a title, but then I found this pun and was like I can't Not use that. So here it is! ngl I really enjoyed writing this somewhat plotless fluff between all my serious fics. I do hope anyone who reads enjoys this the way I did writing it!!
> 
> Lastly, I would like to thank my amazing best friend, [Kiki,](http://twitter.com/kunisavampire) who beta-ed this in such a short notice and managed to make it 1000x better than the original thing. Your comments made me so happy. You're really magical dude I don't know where I'd be without you. (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

Jaehyun stares at his abandoned phone on the coffee table, where it’s been laying down all lonely since he decided to hole up in his house for the last weekend on break. It’s dead, waiting to be charged and resurrected. 

He’s spent the past three days lying in bed watching Netflix on his tablet in the dark, consecutively destroying his eyesight—not that it was top tier in the first place either. This activity of his wasn’t out of the ordinary, but he’s always kept his phone within reach every single time—cheeto-stained fingers typing up obscure sets of emojis to reassure his friends that he’s still alive.

Jaehyun doesn’t have the strength to face whatever messages and news that are definitely there. Just because he stopped participating, doesn’t mean the world stopped turning. He wants to curl up into a fetal position and stare into nothingness for a month—or until he’s ready, which means never.

He was prepared to do it, too, if it weren’t for Doyoung and his—ridiculously tall and ridiculously gorgeous—boyfriend, Johnny, pounding on his door, forcing him to disentangle himself from his cocoon and inviting them in, albeit while sulking. He can’t leave guests hanging, his mother raised him to be a polite boy. And being rude makes him feel bad. No matter how much he hates it, at the end of the day he’s still part of society.

Jaehyun barely managed to open the door before Doyoung pushed him aside and barged in with a shopping bag in hand and a delighted Johnny trailing behind him. The giant had picked him up and squeezed him in his arms, going off about how much he missed him.

Doyoung hadn’t even spared him a glance, he made a beeline for the fridge and immediately organized all the stuff from the shopping bag inside of it. He works quickly and efficiently, endlessly cursing Jaehyun through it all. 

He’s the bestest friend ever and Jaehyun loves him to bits.

Now, Jaehyun’s sitting on the couch with Johnny, who has Jaehyun’s television remote in his hand, concentrating on channel surfing. Doyoung’s in the kitchen, preparing food for all of them, and they know not to bother him when he’s immersed in his craft. Well, Jaehyun does. Johnny’s normally allowed to assist Doyoung, but the latter had probably told his boyfriend to keep Jaehyun company.

He doesn’t know what pushed him to do it. 

Maybe it’s because, despite his overly excited exterior and his ruthless teasing of anyone and everyone, Johnny never ceases to exude this oddly reassuring energy, like he would listen to your deepest, weirdest secrets and wouldn’t even blink an eye. 

Even before Doyoung and Johnny got together, when Doyoung had constantly hurt himself by pining for the guy, Jaehyun couldn't find it in himself to hate Johnny. He's such a ridiculously good guy.

As his juniors from uni—well, Xuxi—would say, Johnny is friend shaped.

(Jaehyun is still convinced Johnny can even tell people’s most bizarre kinks with one glance. He probably keeps a list for warranty, stored somewhere secret. No one can be both merciless _and_ understanding. That is just  _ too _ powerful.)

“I think I’m in love with Yuta,” he says as fast as he possibly can.

Jaehyun’s known this for some time now, hence the sudden need for solitude; but saying it out loud makes it feel more real somehow, like solidifying a fact he was able to simply overlook before.

He buries himself deeper in his couch cushions when suddenly, Johnny whips his head so fast Jaehyun thinks the dude might’ve cracked something. 

“You _what._ ” Johnny’s voice came out high pitched and somewhat strained, obviously surprised but not wanting to alarm Doyoung by suddenly screaming. 

He turns to completely face Jaehyun, and with the most unhinged expression Jaehyun’s ever seen him wore, he said, “What the fuck.” Prayer hands over his face as he exhales slowly. “How the fuck.” 

Johnny’s glaring at him, lips pursed, expression expectant but slowly losing patience. It kind of reminds him of his father when Jaehyun broke his leg and was explaining the reason behind it badly.

“What do you want me to say?” Jaehyun throws his hands up. “Please stop staring at me like that, it’s getting scary how much you remind me of my dad.”

"We thought you already knew," Johnny hisses, eyeing the kitchen entrance warily, but his expression had visibly softened.

Ah. He must’ve had it bad for Yuta longer than he thought. If Johnny and Doyoung had noticed, could it be possible that Yuta has as well?

Now that’s a terrifying thought.

He’d realized it somewhere between crying over finals and preparing for his latest get together before winter break—sitting in the back of Yuta’s bike, arms wrapped around his torso, cold air hitting his cheeks when Yuta speeds up; Yuta’s hand in his as they lean down to coo at lobsters in a supermarket, the lingering kiss on his cheek when Yuta dropped him off at home.

Yuta hadn’t even come to Jaehyun’s annual pre-winter holiday party; the boy had gone back to Japan after being away from home for over a year, so all that was left was Jaehyun and his newfound dilemma.

It had taken a while for him to accept said feelings as well.

He had slowly come to terms with it when he came home for the rest of the break. Lounging in the living room watching cult classics with his parents, highkey missing Yuta even though they text and call nearly every day, thinking about how well Yuta would get along with Jaehyun’s family, how perfectly he’d fit in. 

Jaehyun would see Yuta everywhere in his childhood home, even though the boy had never set foot in it. He’d picture Yuta sitting on the kitchen counter, laughing when Jaehyun prepares the world’s worst ramen; or peering over the top of the aquarium as Jaehyun’s father feeds the fishies; lying beside him in bed, palm cradling his cheek tenderly. 

It was as frustrating as it was overwhelming. 

But it was easier to navigate his way around his feelings when he only had to talk to Yuta through a phone screen. He had time to think of what to say, and Yuta’s atrocious internet connection kept them from video calling too long or for it to be clear enough for him to see Jaehyun’s embarrassing reactions through the pixelated screen. 

Despite being in different faculties, the thought of possibly seeing Yuta tomorrow fills him with dread, which is why he’s elected to ignore his messages since he arrived back in their uni city. It won’t be obvious if he ignores everyone, and not just Yuta—who frequently made the time to see him and probably will confront him due to the abrupt silent treatment.

“Well, I don't.” He pouts. “Not that it’d make any difference. I wouldn’t know what to do either way.”

Johnny's stare is almost scrutinizing.

“I’m not gonna tell him.” Jaehyun shakes his head, the fears he’s tried to swallow down resurfaces in waves. There’s no going back after he’s said it. “What if he doesn’t want me the way I want him? What if I confess and completely ruin our friendship?”

Another treacherous part of him whispers: _What if he reciprocates, and they don’t work out and Jaehyun loses him forever?_

The thing about Jaehyun is that: he was born on Valentine’s Day, and he’s spent his entire life basing about half of his personality on that bullshit. He’s a disaster. An absolute, complete, hopeless romantic since he learns the meaning of said word. He wouldn’t know how to survive if he not only loses all chance of a dream romance, but also a friend he’s come to deeply care about.

Pretty much everyone he’s close to knows this. From the way Johnny’s looking at him, he’s probably guessed the real problem, as well.

"Jaehyun," Johnny sighs. "Not all love stories are coming of age movies and epic romance dramas." 

He runs his hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. " _Yes,_ some people do meet their soulmates at ten years old, or get married to their high school sweethearts, or live a modern fairytale retelling—but that's rare, and you have to realize that most of the ones that exist in the world aren't like that. Sometimes it just  _ is _ . Sometimes you don’t get the person you want. Sometimes you do, and you can only hope it lasts; and when it does, you’ll have to accept that  _ that  _ is enough.”

_ But is it so wrong, then? _ Jaehyun thought. To be so desperate, to long for it so deeply that he might as well have gone and driven himself mad? He wants the rare, the fairytale and all the epic love stories. He was born on Valentine’s Day, he’s smart and he is beautiful—and he's so cliched it hurts. 

Before he could reply, Doyoung’s voice shouts from the kitchen. “Dinner’s ready, assholes!”

Johnny sends him one last pointed look before scrambling to set the table. 

Jaehyun takes a deep breath and exhales, rubbing a palm over his face. He stands up and grabs a couple of peach-flavoured soju bottles from his fridge and places it on the table.

The three of them move in sync, preparing their little family dinner in silence. Jaehyun, being the youngest, pours their drinks before his own. They spend some time talking as they wait for the food to cool a bit. 

Doyoung excitedly plays a song. His little brother, Jeno, is in a band. Or something. 

"I like it. Kinda makes me wanna terrorize a quiet neighborhood," Jaehyun says after Doyoung’s done playing the track. 

"Right?" Doyoung agrees, eyes sparkling. Johnny laughs, fond. They’re so stupidly whipped for each other it’s borderline sickening. Though it was enough to make Jaehyun believe happiness could be gained through osmosis, or whatever it’s called. He hasn’t done science in nearly three years.

“Also, please spare me the peace of mind and tell me you haven’t completely destroyed my kitchen,” Jaehyun whines, but willingly opens his mouth when Doyoung starts spoon-feeding him.

He’ll have to admit, it never ceases to be entertaining to see Doyoung fretting over him like this, when Doyoung himself often must be dragged out of his room. Doyoung’s childhood friend who goes abroad, Taeyong, used to check on him every few days to make sure he hasn’t rotted in his room, sometimes he’d even enlist Jaehyun’s help or Doyoung’s other friends from uni when the boy got particularly stubborn.

It undoubtedly has gotten better since Doyoung started dating Johnny. Even though his hermit tendencies mostly just relocated to Johnny’s dorm, at least he won’t be alone. 

“Pft, that’s why I brought damage control.” Doyoung turns to feed Johnny, who gives him an offended look, but accepts the food regardless. Doyoung’s an excellent cook, they’d be fools to reject it even if he insulted their entire bloodline.

Johnny’s brows do this odd wriggly motion as he chews. “You’d be surprised at how hygienic I am compared to him. He didn’t even shower this morning.”

“Oh, I know how disgusting he can be. That’s why we’re friends,” Jaehyun replies easily, earning a high-five from Doyoung. He shamelessly sniffs at his armpit. “I haven’t showered in two days, I think.”

Jaehyun grabs one of the newly opened bottles, moving to pour more soju into his glass. Johnny stops him with a hand on his wrist, and gently pries the bottle from his palm. He whines at the loss and slumps in his seat. 

Johnny grimaces. “I hate you both.”

Doyoung and Jaehyun laughed. "No, you don't."

He’ll allow himself this for now and ignores the worries inside his mind. Must Jaehyun confess? Can't he simply sit in the darkness of his room, pantless and deranged?

🦞

It started like this:

Doyoung has many friends, two of them being Jaehyun and Yuta, both of who happen to be closest to him out of everyone in their packed university. 

Doyoung and Yuta met in freshman year, grouped together for faculty initiation and had been friends since. A year after, Doyoung had been the assigned mentor for baby-faced freshman Jaehyun, patiently guiding him through the university level orientation, and they had clicked well enough to exchange contacts, continuously hanging out until they became what they are now.

But because the three of them are all in different majors—in Jaehyun's case, faculty—the two had never crossed paths. They only knew each other from Doyoung. 

At some point, said reckless best friend had gone and confessed—a crush no one in their friend group had even known existed—to Johnny, which led to the weirdest year in Jaehyun's university experience so far. 

(Considering at one point he broke a leg trying to parkour, that means a lot.)

Of course, like every single goddamn romance in their friend group, it had to happen at Jaehyun’s annual pre-winter break party. In fact, theirs might even be the first incident to have happened there.

Doyoung had invited Yuta. It wasn’t the first time Yuta had come to his parties, but it was definitely the first time they’ve properly interacted out of Doyoung’s sight.

In the name of Doyoung’s well-being, sure, but not initiated by him for a change.

Doyoung wasn’t a stranger to alcohol or parties, but it had been a particularly rough few weeks for him, and no one can blame his friends for being worried—especially when he got unusually shitfaced then proceeded to disappear out of their sight. 

He hadn’t responded to texts or picked up any of their calls. It had taken over an hour for Jaehyun and Yuta to find him, still in Jaehyun’s own fucking house, nevertheless. 

They’d found him nearly passed out in the second-floor bathroom. A sniffling, blubbering mess who had burst to tears as soon as Jaehyun’s hand touched his cheek. They’d been too caught up in trying to coax Doyoung out of the bathtub to notice Johnny standing in front of the sink, somewhat in a daze.

Yuta was instantly on his feet, an arm pressing on Johnny’s throat threateningly, interrogating the guy about whatever the hell happened before the two of them arrived. 

Jaehyun hadn’t known Yuta was capable of being so intimidating but found that he hadn’t minded it the slightest bit. It was nice how protective Yuta had been over Doyoung. He also thinks Yuta might’ve instilled the fear of God into Johnny that day.

Johnny, bless him, did his best to speak through his own shock and the pressure on his neck, “He told me he has feelings for me.”

Jaehyun had been so speechless he accidentally dropped Doyoung, earning a loud protest from his drunk friend. 

_“What?”_ Yuta shrieked, taking his arm off Johnny and turning around to stare at Doyoung, astounded.

“I’m—” Johnny coughed, hand coming up to rub his throat. “—not lying.”

Yuta glanced at Jaehyun, as if questioning whether he has any knowledge about this whole thing. Jaehyun shrugged. 

“Beats me,” he mutters, sighing when he looks down at Doyoung’s slumped form, half-asleep.

They’d chosen to leave Johnny alone and dragged Doyoung to Jaehyun’s house, interrogating him through his hangover the next morning; and came to the conclusion that while it is surprising, it’s not entirely out of the blue for Doyoung to keep silent about his crush for so long then pull the most impulsive stunt in the history of humanity. 

They had almost forgotten all about it during the break. Then the new semester rolled around and threw the entire goddamn table at them. 

Johnny kept on following Doyoung around like a small, eager child. Two out of those three things he definitely wasn’t. He was relentless, endlessly patient in getting to know him. Doyoung, on the other hand, had committed to his new lifestyle as a coward and did everything in his power to escape the room whenever Johnny was within vicinity. Not that it stopped him from pining over the guy as soon as he’s in private. The whole thing was painful to watch.

Alas, the universe is terribly fond of stupid idiots and the love shared between them, so the two somehow managed to get together. What followed was the clingy, fresh relationship phase where friends turn to neglected house plants.

He does meet Johnny’s friends, so he wasn’t completely abandoned.

But the universe does have a knack for irony. Johnny’s bestest friend and roommate Ten, was literally in the same major as Yuta and his housemate, Sicheng—who Yuta drives to campus with every morning, and also the very same Sicheng who leads the theatre club; where one of Jaehyun’s juniors and closest friend, Xuxi, spends most of his time at. 

Somehow, he always ended up hanging out with Yuta and Yuta alone.

It was casual at first. Just sitting at cafes or the campus library, focusing on their own works and assignments. Then they started talking between all of that, and their meetups became less about studying and more about spending time with each other; eventually they started to hang out on weekends and the hours on weekdays they could spare, be it at Yuta’s boarding house or Jaehyun’s place. Simply conversing until they pass out or someone must leave. Studying escalated to late night fast food trips and bad attempts at dyeing hair in Jaehyun’s bathroom. 

Jaehyun’s never clicked with someone so fast and so easily. 

Realizing that he was in love with Yuta hadn’t been amidst an extraordinary, life-changing event, either. There hadn't been fireworks in the sky, stars overhead, or the two of them emerging from a life-threatening moment hand in hand.

It had been Yuta, standing on the driveway of Jaehyun's house, rocking on his heels and hands shoved into the pocket of his leather jacket, bike parked behind him.

It should be illegal how attractive Yuta was, with his gorgeous silver hair, tied to a loose ponytail that descends past his shoulders; with a low-cut shirt and his leather jacket. A thin gold chain necklace circles his neck, the circular crimson pendant rests a little above his sternum. He looked like he came out of a 70's magazine, bad boy rock star boyfriend style that men back in the day take guilty glances of. 

Jaehyun briefly wondered if Yuta had always been this attractive, or if he just started to notice it recently. Which was a shame, really, because that means Jaehyun had been missing out on  _ A Lot.  _

That night, Jaehyun had asked Yuta to accompany him to buy the things he needed for the party, and Yuta had arrived in less than ten minutes. 

"Can we go to the one with the lobster tank?" Yuta asks after Jaehyun locks his front door.

Jaehyun blinks. "Sure."

Yuta positively beamed.

"Cool," he pulled his hands out of his pockets, keys dangling between his fingers. "I'll drive."

They went to a supermarket twenty minutes away from Jaehyun’s house. His jacket did little to protect him from the cold night air, but Yuta was like a furnace and he shamelessly clung to him throughout the entire ride.

Jaehyun decides lobsters are cool as soon as Yuta’s lips bloom into a pretty smile at the sight of them. 

It wasn’t like the cool aquascape type his father has at home for the fish, but it was decent. Two lobsters roamed inside, slowly making their way around the box. There’s a log placed in the middle, stones and several other aquatic appropriate decorations litter around it. Cute. 

(It’s definitely better than Jaehyun’s sad attempt at taking care of his late betta fish. He’d meant to decorate the little tank, then send a picture to his father. The old man loved sea creatures, and he’d be proud to see him be able to take care of another living being. 

But Jaehyun’s carelessness had taken over, and he was only reminded of the fish’s existence when it was already too late. His father would’ve wept at the sight of the tank. That’s a secret Jaehyun will keep to his grave, which hopefully won’t be beside the tiny blue fish.)

A piece of paper is stamped on the top.  **TANKS FOR NOT TOUCHING** , is written in blocky blue letters on it. Jaehyun snorts.

“Aren’t they for sale?” He asks. “Why is it so nicely decorated?”

“No,” Yuta answers, eyes never leaving the lobsters, he seems to be scanning for something. “Those are in the back with fishes and friends, in the seafood section. This one is just for show.”

“I see.”

“Here.” Yuta tapped his shoulders, then pointed at the tiny treasure chest on the edge of the aquarium. He looks so fascinated by them Jaehyun can’t help but smile at the sight. “Baby lobsters.”

Jaehyun squints his eyes. It takes him a while to spot them—unlike their hard-shelled and solid coloured adult counterpart, the babies look soft—minuscule, and surprisingly translucent. Jaehyun takes a moment to process this. He was today years old when he found out lobster babies are translucent. He kind of wants to hold them in his palms.

“Oh my god,” Jaehyun gasps, hand automatically reaching for Yuta to find something to hold. He tried to ignore the warmth that engulfed him when Yuta wastes no time to intertwine their fingers. “That’s so adorable, what the hell.”

They linger around the aquarium several more minutes before moving to grab the things on Jaehyun’s list, spending over an hour in the supermarket. The list wasn’t even that long, they wasted most of the time dicking around and chasing each other on the aisles. 

Jaehyun suggests they see the lobsters again before they go home, and Yuta was happy to oblige. Yuta unwraps a chocolate bar and breaks it apart, handing one half to Jaehyun. They watched the lobsters silently this time, munching on the chocolate and taking turns sipping from their shared watermelon slushie. 

“What’s that on its butt?” Jaehyun asks, eyeing one of the lobsters. One of his hands is holding up the slushie so Yuta could sip from it properly. 

“Eggs, I think,” Yuta answers, shrugging.

“Ew, why is it shedding?”

Yuta snorts. 

They lasted three seconds before bursting into laughter, holding on to each other, the shopping bags jostled between them. 

Jaehyun doesn’t know how long it lasted, but when he finally stopped he had tears in his eyes and his stomach had started to hurt.

There’s a moment, right then and there, that made Jaehyun feel like the world had slowed down around them. It was like those cheesy slow-motion scenes he’d see in dramas, where everything seems to blur aside from the sight in front of him.

Which, at that moment, was Yuta.

Yuta, who was still laughing, head thrown back and teeth bared. The sound rings in Jaehyun’s head, amplified and accompanied by a distant melody. Somewhere in the middle of their tiny adventure, the hair tie had been taken off. Yuta’s platinum hair cascades over his shoulders like a waterfall of liquid silver, the small hairs on top of his head slightly messy from their runs. His eyes are twinkling.

Jaehyun’s stomach did this funny thing. The feeling reminded him of the hunger of not having eaten for an entire day, but not unlike the beginning of a nervous reaction. 

He wonders what his face must’ve looked like, and whether Yuta had seen something in it.

“Come on.” Yuta smiles, sweet, then drags him by the hand. “Let’s get you home, it’s getting late.”

The ride home was faster than when they left, courtesy of the emptier late night streets. Jaehyun held on to their bags with his life, and for the first time out of the entire night, wished he had offered to drive them with his car instead.

Yuta walks him to his front door, carrying one of the bags for him. 

“Thank you for tonight,” Jaehyun started, feeling suddenly bashful under Yuta’s stare. They just went shopping, what the hell. “For accompanying me, and other things.” He gestured vaguely.

Yuta’s lips stretched to a grin. It’s softer than the ones he’s seen earlier—and through the entirety of their friendship—his eyes are visibly and undeniably fond. Jaehyun feels the sudden need to bolt inside and hide under covers.

He’s about to ask why he’s staring at him like that when Yuta leaned forward and pressed his mouth on Jaehyun’s cheek.

Jaehyun stills.

Yuta turns around, twirling his keys in one hand. 

After slipping on his helmet, he looks over his shoulders with that serene smile still intact. 

“Goodnight, Jaehyun,” Yuta whispers, then drove away.

“Night,” Jaehyun rasps, a hand coming up to touch his cheek where Yuta had kissed him. 

Jaehyun never had any doubts regarding his own intelligence, he grew up with supportive parents that constantly reassured him there’s always a way to get through everything, and as much as it fueled his competitive spirit, it also boosted his confidence that he will be able to solve anything if he tried. 

But at that moment he feels pretty stupid. 

Jaehyun brings his hand up to his forehead, checking his temperature and trying to recall if he's had any symptoms lately that might lead to fever. 

He knows what Doyoung would say, _“you're not sick, just stubborn.”_

He knows what it is, really, and knows that despite his lack of filter, Doyoung is painfully observant when it comes to anyone that is not himself. 

If there’s one thing that Jaehyun has learned in the three years they’ve been friends: Doyoung is always right.

Jaehyun's lovesick, and he knows precisely who the culprit is. 

Yuta laughs and he hears Für Elise, feeling like he’s had one too many drinks and the world spins in flashes of silver. Yuta makes him feel too much all at once and Jaehyun’s never been so overwhelmed and fucking excited. 

It is with the force of a tornado in a small field, wracking his chest, he admits, belatedly, that he’s in love with Nakamoto Yuta. 

🦞

“You’re literally the only person I know who never carries cash with them,” a familiar voice speaks up after Jaehyun accepts his change and thanks the stall owner. It comes from behind him, laced with amusement, heard clearly even amidst a bustling cafeteria. “And when you do, the sellers have to sweep the building to find enough change.”

“Shut up,” Jaehyun says, turning around to see Xuxi beaming at him, holding his own lunch tray in his hands. He stands a good head taller than everyone around them, Jaehyun never ceases to be amazed. 

Xuxi was almost as tall—if not, the same height—as Johnny, but the latter tends to slouch and drown himself in clothing even bigger than his frame, as if trying to make himself appear smaller than his actual titan size. On the other hand, Xuxi has a penchant for form-fitting outfits and walks with a pride that would come off as cocky hadn’t he been famous for his staggering friendliness.

They claim one of the tables on the corner of the cafeteria, near the entrance. For the most part, lunch went by normally. Carrying conversations came naturally for Xuxi, so he didn’t have to worry about awkward silences. They catch each other up on their activities over the break. At some point, they’d exchanged their schedules to see if any of it aligned. Apparently, they’re going to the same building in their next class of the day.

“Sometimes I wonder if you have any friends in your year,” Xuxi comments around a mouthful of food, playful. “Aren’t you afraid of looking like a loser, sitting alone with your junior?”

Jaehyun glares at him. “I have friends in my year.”

“Oh, yeah?” one of Xuxi’s frustratingly gorgeous brows raise. “Can you even name everyone in _your_ year? Our major only.”

“Uh,” Jaehyun starts, knowing he’s going to lose even before he started, but the competitive demon in him refuses to yield. “Seokmin, Eunwoo, Haseul, Mina… that other Jaehyun... Hyunjae?”

Xuxi muffles his laughter behind his hands, and Jaehyun whines. “Fuck you, that’s too many people.”

“You have like forty people in your year,” Xuxi points out. “I have almost eighty and I know them all.”

“Easy for you to say, Campus Prince.” Jaehyun retorts, but there’s no heat behind his words. He relishes in the way Xuxi’s ears turn red at the nickname. “Everyone likes you.”

It was mostly in the faculty scale instead of their entire campus, really, but one of their professors had caught Xuxi’s friends calling him that and it circulated, becoming some sort of an inside joke in their major. It had reached Jaehyun before Xuxi got to tell him on his own.

But Jaehyun’s willing to bet that if Xuxi offered himself like a virgin sacrifice, be it for friendships or dates, half of the campus _would_ run over to volunteer. He was like a magnet.

For Jaehyun, friendships don't come as easy for him as it is for people like Xuxi—or Johnny, who was well-respected and admired on an even wider scale. Jaehyun’s pretty sure Johnny’s on a first name basis with his entire faculty. No wonder Doyoung was so intimidated.

Jaehyun knows he’s handsome, and he’s polite to a fault, but people seemed to hesitate to approach him. The people he’s listed were the closest to what he could call a friend in their entire major. 

Otherwise, it’s only Xuxi. Who’s an entire year below him.

Jaehyun has heard the whispers. No matter how gigantic and crowded their university is, news travels fast. 

Apparently, he too, was a prince. _Ice Prince,_ people called him. 

He doesn’t know how to make himself more approachable, he’s tried his best. Jaehyun throws his annual parties in order to reduce some of that perception, but it still sprung up like a stubborn leaf, earning him the cold rich kid status instead.

Yuta was the closest friend he’s made in a while. He can’t bear the thought of ruining their friendship.

“Not everyone!” Xuxi protests, a small piece of lettuce jumps out of his mouth and lands at the table. 

Jaehyun stares at it in horror. He takes it back; he doesn’t get why Xuxi is so popular when the boy is this disgusting.

“Okay, so, you know how Doyoung and I almost hooked up last year?” The fucker continues instead, pretending that didn’t just happen, not possessing the slightest bit of decency to be embarrassed.

Jaehyun makes what Johnny calls his ‘polite cat’ face, and nods. Just so Xuxi knows that while he’s willing to listen, it does not mean he will indulge him.

Xuxi’s eyes light up with mirth. He moves to sit next to Jaehyun instead of across from him. 

“Oh my god, I swear Johnny still hates me for it.” 

“Can’t say I’m surprised.”

“We often pass each other in the parking lot, right. So like, while Doyoung would start the ignition and initiate small talk with me, Johnny’s giant ass would just slouch on the back of that tiny scoopy, _hissing_ at me.” Xuxi continues, wheezing, and Jaehyun succumbs to being shaken like a tree. Xuxi tends to cling on to the nearest person whenever he loses it. Thankfully, his food is already finished. “He’s so fucking weird, bro.”

Jaehyun finds himself chuckling, he can’t argue with that. Maybe he will indulge Xuxi, because Johnny is weird as fuck. This new information would make a great teasing material, he should tell Yuta—

Fuck.

Jaehyun groans.  _ Yuta.  _

He’s been ghosting him for nearly an entire week, now. Sure, he can excuse it as the first few days of the new term kicking his ass, but being busy has never stopped them before. Ever since they got close, they never ceased to try and make time for each other. He’s surprised Yuta hasn’t marched to the Humanities Faculty territory and directly confronted Jaehyun. 

Xuxi’s looking at him quizzically. “What’s wrong? Did I squeeze you too hard? Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry—”

“No, it’s not you. I’m fine, Xuxi.”

“Sure, you’re so convincing. Maybe you should audition for our club,” Xuxi replies sarcastically.

It should make him laugh or something, the way Xuxi’s words usually do, petty statements delivered with the straightest face. 

However, the mention of theatre club was like a punch to his gut.

Out of every single feeling he’s had to endure out of the entire process, envy has to be the hardest to overcome. The green-eyed monster claws at his insides, rotten and heavy. Jaehyun’s competitive and stubborn, but never to the point of feeling envious of others. 

Sicheng is the leader of the theatre club. Sicheng, who is one of Yuta’s closest friends, in his major and lives in the same boarding house as he does. He gets to see Yuta whenever he wants and is the permanent passenger of Yuta’s bike every morning when they go to campus. 

Jaehyun gets along with Sicheng, would even go as far as calling them friends, but they’re not the kind who are close enough to talk about their respective romantic lives. The bitter what-ifs fueled Jaehyun’s doubts through the break. He really doesn’t want to be That Guy, but his brain-to-mouth filter failed to operate before he could think any better.

“Can I ask you something?” Jaehyun continues before Xuxi gets the chance to react anyway. His mind feels like it’s about to explode. “Is there anything going on between Sicheng and Yuta?”

Xuxi’s eyes widen. The way he looks right now reminds Jaehyun of a puppy. “I’d hope not.”

“Why?” Jaehyun ignores the surge of relief that washes over him.

“Well, we’ve been, you know—” the boy makes a crude gesture with his hands and mouth.

“Eugh, say no more.” Jaehyun makes a face of disgust. “Since when?”

“Your latest party.” Xuxi shrugs, lips pursed. “It’s complicated.”

Jaehyun resists the urge to bang his head on the table before him. At his party, of course. How surprising, as if there aren’t any other parties going on in their university at all times. He’d heard that Ten confessed and got together with Kun on the same night as well. Orchestrated by Doyoung and Johnny, yes, but the point still stands. 

“Why are you asking?” Xuxi’s expression morphed into one of concern, one of his hands rubs comforting circles on Jaehyun’s back.

Jaehyun sighs but tries his best to summarize the past few months. From his budding friendship with Yuta to their last encounter, up to his conversation with Johnny back at his house a few days ago. 

Xuxi, as always, is a good listener. He stayed silent throughout the explanation, but his face reacted accordingly to some of the things Jaehyun said, making sure Jaehyun knows that he hasn’t stopped listening. 

"Ugh, I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Xuxi says as soon as Jaehyun finishes, looking thoughtful, brows knitted. Xuxi enunciates his next words carefully, like Jaehyun is a toddler who needs things to be spelt out. Maybe he is. "Johnny isn’t wrong,  _ but…  _ it is completely valid to want those things for yourself. Especially when we've been fed with those ideas since we could barely talk."

He's grinning now, reassuring. One arm keeping a steady grip on Jaehyun's shoulder. 

Xuxi is such a good sport. 

Jaehyun still remembers their first meeting. Xuxi had come up to him at one of the English Lit events after-party, his intentions clear as day. When Jaehyun blurted that he’s asexual, the boy had grinned so big and patted him on the back hard enough for his soul to leave his body. Then he’d left (probably to find someone else) and came back an hour later to beat Jaehyun’s ass at card games. They’ve been friends ever since.

Sure, his friends are all accepting and understanding, but at the time Xuxi had been a mere stranger, and it was always nice to see that people outside of your circle are just as kind. 

Especially for Jaehyun, who felt that coming out as ace was twice harder than when he came out as gay, because no matter who you’re attracted to, sex always seemed to be on the front and centre of it—that if it wasn’t an immediate thing, it would eventually be.

(A memory resurfaces in his head. One evening during a rainstorm, huddled on the floor of Yuta’s room. The elder was booting up his old laptop so they can watch anime together, and Jaehyun had noticed the tiny pansexual flag on his desk. To which Yuta had responded with: “Panromantic, actually.” And that had been the end of it.)

"Yeah, not everything can be straight out of a fairytale, but that doesn't mean it isn't just as great," Xuxi continues, and Jaehyun picks up the teasing tone immediately, but he doesn't take it up to heart, not with how the boy's words settled every bone in his body, stopping him from vibrating out of his skin. "All love is epic, bro. As long as you're with the right person, even watching lobsters in a tank can be the coolest thing in the entire universe.”

He’s right, of course. Watching lobsters go about their day in a supermarket tank had been the highlight of last semester. Sure, the baby lobsters were cute, but it was mostly because he got to see the sparkle in Yuta’s eyes and the way his silver hair shines under the too-bright supermarket lights. 

Whatever choice Jaehyun makes after this, Yuta deserves to know just how incredible he is too, at the very least.

“Thank you, Xuxi.” Jaehyun smiles earnestly, and Xuxi pulls him into a hug. 

When they pull away, Xuxi ruffles his hair. Which would’ve been weird if it were from anyone else aside from him.

“I do hope it works out in your favour.”

🦞

On his way home, he receives a call from Johnny. Who asks Jaehyun if he can help out for a project sometime this week. Jaehyun agrees and promises to talk to him about his schedule as soon as he gets home. As they talk, he manages to get into his car and turn on the ignition. 

Johnny stops him before he could end the call.

“I might have unknowingly projected some of my issues that day. I’m so sorry, Jae,” Johnny admits, sounding crestfallen. “I shouldn’t have dumped all that on you. Do what you want, okay? Deal with your feelings the way you want to. Try online dating or be a hermit, whatever you like. Maybe move to Australia and live like you’re in a Lifetime movie. I got your back. Heck, I’ll even kick Yuta’s ass for you if he pulls any shit.”

“There’s no need to do that. I’m dramatic, but even I draw the line at Lifetime specials.” Jaehyun grins. Johnny would probably lose against Yuta anyway—if the way Yuta nearly choked him on their first meeting was any indication—but he keeps his mouth shut about that. “Thanks, though. I appreciate it.”

There’s a sharp inhale on the other side of the line. Jaehyun’s afraid Johnny might end up crying. His brain is already fried from today’s lectures, he won’t know what to say to comfort him. He exits the call screen and opens up Doyoung’s private message, just in case.

“Sometimes I wish I was richer, or cooler. You know?” Johnny murmurs, barely audible. “That I was a famous idol, or a prince from a Barbie movie—so that I can give Doyoung even an inch of the happiness he has given me. So I can give him better things to express how much I adore him, but I’m not.” 

Jaehyun hums noncommittally, but his mind recalls all the times Doyoung had been so ridiculously whipped for his boyfriend; every single time he proudly shows off Johnny’s works; learning English so Johnny would be more comfortable around him; and the time he tried to take Jaehyun’s car to the hospital despite not knowing how to fucking drive, because the giant had gotten into an accident and Doyoung couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Johnny alone.

Doyoung cherishes Johnny just as much. He didn’t need Johnny to be a prince or a billionaire, he wants his dumb boyfriend to be safe and happy. The idiot also deserves to hear it from others, to lessen his insecurity, even for a bit.

It relieves him a little. The fact that even Johnny, one of the most self-assured people he knows, still crumbles from the weight of self-doubt when it comes to romance.

Jaehyun kinda gets it now.

“It’s okay, Johnny. And… don’t tell him I said this, but for what it’s worth, dude,” he begins, “Doyoung loves you because you’re _you_ —and he’s pretty damn proud of loving you.”

Johnny sniffles, but Jaehyun can hear the smile when he speaks next. “Thanks, man. You're the best."

“Hell yeah, I am. Besides, you wouldn’t be able to date him if you were an idol, anyway.”

🦞

Jaehyun’s standing in front of Yuta’s boarding house.

He drags his foot on the harsh asphalt, debating whether he should carry on with this. Something about his phone call with Johnny earlier filled him with sudden impulsiveness, which is now slowly dissipating. But he’s already here, and his impulse control is left for dead in the campus parking lot. 

Jaehyun also meant to call Yuta to come down, but on his way here his phone died, and he realized he hadn’t brought a powerbank, or a USB cable at all. 

Normally some of the guys would be sitting on the porch, smoking while playing cards or just chatting around with their guitars until ass o’clock. From what he can see through the slits on the ceiling-high gate, it’s empty tonight, so Jaehyun couldn’t ask one of them to come up and fetch Yuta. 

He sighs. The universe is being so unbelievably helpful to him today.

He can’t go home, either. If he doesn’t do this now, he doesn’t think he’ll ever find the courage again. 

Jaehyun takes a deep breath and prepares for perhaps the stupidest thing he’s about to do in his entire life. He’s just glad the boarding house is located in a dead-end alley, where he can park his car without worrying about blocking the road, or yell at the top of his fucking lungs without people stopping to stare.

Well, it’s now or never.

_ "NAKAMOTO YUTA," _ he straight up fucking screams, as if that would get his point across. He hopes so. He doesn’t want to risk getting arrested due to noise complaint just for Yuta to continue sleeping.

The rats nearby scatter, offended that he had probably interrupted their dinner, and Jaehyun vaguely hears bats screeching in his vicinity. He doesn't give a fuck. The matters of his heart are more important than creatures that lurk in the night.

_ "YO," _ he bellows, continuing, "I THINK I LOVE YOU.”

"Shut the fuck up!" Someone who’s definitely  _ not  _ Yuta shouts back instead, and something launches at him in full speed from one of the windows on the second floor. 

Jaehyun didn’t have time to move before the thing made contact with his head, and damn it, that shit hurts. He throws up a middle finger at the perpetrator before rubbing at where the behemoth textbook—Deutsch Reading II—collided with his head. He huffs, a fellow literature major should know not to interrupt a love confession when they see one.

_ “Yutaaa,” _ he whines, lowering his tone, because one textbook being yeeted at him is enough.

There’s a thumping, feet stomping down the stairs, continued by the sound of keys jiggling, and a metal door creaking. Jaehyun straightens up. He shouldn’t get his hopes up, but he can’t help it. It could be anyone. It could be one of Yuta’s housemates, preparing to beat him up—or the boarding house’s auntie, ready to chuck a sandal at his face for disrupting their sleep.

The tall gate cracks open slowly. Jaehyun holds his breath.

Yuta’s silver hair pops up, untied and messy, and Jaehyun feels like he can breathe again. But Yuta doesn’t step out. Only his head and shoulder was visible, one hand holding the gate in place.

He looks hesitant.

“You think?”

Jaehyun halts. “What?”

“You _think_ you love me?”

Jaehyun feels his own expression soften. “I _know_ so. But I wanted to tell that to your face, instead of yelling at the rats.”

Yuta smiles, small. “I’m sorry I let Yangyang hit you with his book.”

“No, you’re not.” Jaehyun scoffs, but he can’t help the way his lips stretch into a grin when his gaze returns to Yuta. It may be almost midnight, but he should’ve guessed Yuta was still awake, the guy was practically an owl.

“You’re right, I’m not sorry. You kind of deserved it. Couldn’t you have waited till morning?”

“No.” Jaehyun crosses his arms. “I was born on Valentine’s Day, it was predetermined for me to be this dramatic.”

Yuta rolls his eyes, but the smile stays on his face. Jaehyun’s heart doubles in size. 

“Now, can you _please_ step outside and let me confess properly?”

“I can’t.” Yuta shakes his head, and Jaehyun’s heart drops somewhere in the asphalt. “I don’t have my keycard.”

Jaehyun gives Yuta his best unimpressed look. “Ask Yangyang to come down and open the gate after, his book is down here anyway. I think the rats are starting to wonder if it tastes any good.”

“Yangyang is a German Lit student who used to _live_ in Germany. He’s fluent. He doesn’t need a language comprehension book; he needs a hardcopy of Goethe’s Faust.”

“I’m honestly terrified with how much you know about our majors.”

“I hang around lit majors all the time,” Yuta hums, there’s a mischievous look in his eyes. “None of them know how to shut their mouth.”

Jaehyun raises a brow. “I don’t know, I think I’m doing pretty well in regards to that.”

Yuta rolls his eyes. “Yangyang’s book is literally right there, the weapon of choice against your vocal chords.”

“I hate you.”

“That’s not what you shouted earlier.”

Jaehyun feels his cheeks warm.  ”Shut up,” he retorts, taking a step forward. "Can we talk now?"

“I’ll have to think about it.” Yuta grins cheekily, but he opens the gate wider, enough so he won’t have to hold it in place with his body. Like this, Jaehyun can see his entire body. He’s wearing a thin white shirt and navy shorts that barely reaches his knees. “Give me a week or whatever.”

“I was _torn_ with feelings.” Jaehyun protests, uncrossing his arms. Feelings which, Yuta hasn’t actually said anything about. “And that confession wiped out my entire dignity.”

“You really are something Jung Jaehyun,” Yuta laughs, teeth on full display. Jaehyun’s stomach does that weird flip again at hearing his full name roll off Yuta’s tongue. “Thank fuck Sicheng is staying at Xuxi’s tonight. He would’ve never let us live that down.”

“And your other housemates will?” Jaehyun exclaims, the realization of what he did dawns on him like a brick straight to his back. He stares at the ground in panic. “Oh my god, I’m never gonna be able to face your housemates ever again.”

“Hey.” Yuta sounds fond. “Look at me.”

Jaehyun looks up, and it feels like a repeat of the night at his house, when Yuta kissed his cheek. His hands are shaking. Yuta notices immediately and takes them in his, rubbing his thumb over Jaehyun’s knuckles.

“I love you too.”

All the tension bleeds out of Jaehyun in an instant. “You do?”

“Yeah, have been for a while now.” Yuta takes a step closer. “I was ready to show up at your house and yell about it, actually. Not talking to you has been the worst week of my life. What have you done to me, Jung?”

They’re so close now. Even under the shitty streetlights, Jaehyun can see his eyelashes. Count them, if he’d like. “How do you suggest I make it up to you?” 

“I don’t know...” Yuta tilts his head cutely. “I’d say that the confession was a feat in itself. Something for the history books.”

Feeling brave, Jaehyun disentangles their hands and circles his arms around Yuta’s waist. Yuta’s eyes widen.

“I think I have something in mind,” Jaehyun says, and the way Yuta lights up reminds him of a christmas tree. “What do you say we go to see some lobsters tomorrow?”

**Author's Note:**

> Kiki: fishes isnt the plural form for fish  
> Me: ok how about fishies  
> Kiki: [stamp of approval]
> 
> Despite some of the customs you may see here, this fic isn't specifically set anywhere. They drink peach soju only because it tastes good and I miss it. I also used my (Indonesian) university system for their campus because that's what I used for the first part of this series and this is set in the same verse. The mentoring/parenting thing actually exists and in this fic Doyoung was Jaehyun's university level mentor because they're from different faculties. 
> 
> Jaehyun and Xuxi majors in English Literature, Faculty of Humanities;  
> Yuta, Sicheng and Ten are Dance majors—Arts and Performance Faculty. 
> 
> Anyways if you made it this far, thank you!! I hope you enjoyed it (o゜▽゜)o☆
> 
> My [twitter!!](http://twitter.com/layverse)


End file.
